colleagues

lunch with colleagues, 9 july 2007.

what is it that makes it so akward? well first, lunch with colleagues can be just awkward. even at the sierra club when i lunched with sweet american souls all near my age and we'd extend our half hour to an hour and sit in the sun, it could still be awkward.

but here, it takes on a whole new level. first, the break down of my office. excluding admin, i work with 3 englishwomen, about 11 scottish men and women, 1 irish woman and one northern irish. and me, the american. while i can almost always understand what is being said, with the exception of some colloquialisms needing to be defined, my one colleagues sometimes remains to be understood. it's just when she gets going. her parents are from the west, and the further west you go in scotland, the thicker the accent. usually i just let it pass me and smile and pretend i understand but then it's always enjoyable when i find someone else doesn't know the term used or cannot understand the accent, then i don't feel as foreign.

but when you're making 'small talk' it's so different. and i nearly always do the ultimate 'no no' of putting the culture down or pointing out some flaw. if that's any lesson i walk away with, it should be when i meet someone from abroad back home to allow them to have their say about the US. i find it terrible and take it personally when someone in my office (typically one person who throws out US stats like they are going out of style) says something negative. i react very emotionally and stand up for my country. sometimes i agree, but i still feel the need to bring them down and remind them that they don't know all the intricate workings of the US, and that damn, it's a big country and things happen differently all over it.

for instance, today i talked about sausages for some reason. it just came up. i was even sitting with 2 vegetarians and it came up. but i couldn't help but say, 'even for a british sausage these were great. no offense but i dont like them here'

they looked at me with no great reaction, although there's always distractions. but i feel sometimes they secretly talk about how strange i am or something.

and even when we go out, all the girls, i can feel so comfortable and akward all at once. i know it's part of being in my mid-twenties and i think i am finding myself more and more, (particularly putting myself in these situations) but no matter sometimes there are akward moments. these girls are lovely and i appreciate them as co-workers and friends, but still, i feel the odd one out.

and another point i just thought of. i think often they think i am lame since matt and i don't party all the time or go galavanting too far across the UK (although we hope to remedy that with ££ soon...??). but then i need to remind myself, hey, these chicks grew up here, they've had almost 30 years to build a base of friends. they have their family. they have their home towns near by. of course they are doing stuff. but i wonder if they think about that from my angle. like 'it must be weird for mariah to not have family here.' or 'she's only been here for 2 years.' but then i feel like i am able to teach them a little lesson. when my colleague complained about having to go for dinner with her dad and her husband's dad for father's day, i said 'at least you have the chance to do that'. not referrring to the fact that i don't have a dad, i don't think many know that, but to the fact that our 'dads' are so far away and should be appreciated.

i think the real lesson isn't to elimate akwardness and oddity. it's to embrace it. relish in silence. wonder why it exists. perhaps locate why and change it. as long as no one feels weird by your presence or lack there of, no harm done. it's a way of life. and it certainly makes you grow. so just in that, this job, just the part where i interact with scottishmen or just brits, makes me grow, learn, expand, challenges me. i hope at the end i deal with it in stride bc sometimes it hits me like a tidal wave. i strive to be calm and make people at ease.